Deciding Between Kin: Family, Friends, or Cousins? - LOH #235

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To receive an invitation for the special occasion has always been an important matter for everyone; moreover, if it comes with all three together and all of those are more important and necessary, then it could be a bigger headache for all of us. Friendship and kinship survive on communication and relationships, to attending their special occasion is a most important part of that. It consists of and proves how much you are dedicated to this relationship and how you are maintaining and balancing that. Neglecting an invitation for a special occasion from anyone always has a bad impact on a relationship, whether with relatives or friends. Which could be more difficult for the person to rectify and manage them in the future, everyone is important and their invitation are unavoidable. There is only one way that could be workable, try to make them understand your situation and responsibility, and your dedication to everyone in the same manner. But it could be difficult, and in some cases, impossible too. But you are the only one, totally impossible to maintain and attend all three special occasions on the same day at different places. You will only be able to attend one occasion and save your relationship with one, the other will be disheartened and disappointed by your inability. In this stage, every decision will cost you in the relationship between family members, friends, and others. Unfortunately, you have to attend one occasion and try to manage others with the exceptional reason, hopefully, workable. All of us could face these types of situations in our daily lives at least once or more, which is a terrible and confusing situation for the relationship and the entity.

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If I received an invitation to three special occasions, but they all fall on the same day and at different locations — a wedding of my cousin, a huge family reunion, and my best friend's wedding anniversary, it could also be too difficult for me to decide, as other people also face. My cousin, who is younger than I, has not bonded much with me, but his father, my uncle, was too close to me in my childhood. I went to my uncle’s in-laws' house riding on his shoulder many times; he always pampered, adored, loved, and cared for me. I always missed those golden periods of my childhood. Unfortunately, at the age of 13, I lost my father forever. He died after suffering liver cirrhosis, my whole world was shut down at that very young age. But I didn’t get any financial support from my uncle; he was silent due to family pressure, but he had enough strong income and ability to support me and my family, if he were willing to do so. But I can feel that he had feelings and a soft corner in his heart for me, as my father raised them, educated them, helped them establish their future, and provided for their income through my father’s income. My uncle has a concern for till today ever I think, I respect him a lot, and I try to honor him as my father. But I am not well connected with my cousin at all, but remembering my childhood time and the attachment with my uncle, I always treat them like my own brother. Among the three invitations, the wedding of my cousin matters a lot to me.

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A huge family reunion, always been an important occasion or event for every person in our society, and I’m not one of them, because of my bad luck. Most of the family reunion times I missed due to some business and financial crises, luck never favored me. It seems Almighty Allah never wants to make me happy, always fills me with problems, and takes my exam randomly. It could be for my well-being, Allah knows better. From the very beginning of my life, when I was able to understand how the world works and relationships, I always tried and loved to live together, even in my childhood. But I failed to manage family members to do so, and was unable to manage them to understand the importance of the unity of a joint family. Even my father had hardly tried to make the unity in his joint family, but he couldn’t after his dedicated efforts. I think I received this quality from the legacy of my father; not even 10% of the quality is present in me regarding my father. I can see my father’s qualities, behavior, virtues, and shadow in my daughter. Sometimes my beloved daughter tries to show her rudeness and rough behavior to prove that she has no existence or love for the family because of my family members’ behavior and irresponsibility in previous years, which was a fact. But I can see the hidden love and concern for family in my daughter, as my father’s blood runs in her veins, which she never feels but exists. My daughter and I also like to attend family reunions, and it’s important for us as we received an invitation for a huge family reunion occasion, but the other 2 invitations are well concerned.

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As my best friend’s wedding anniversary is concerned, I’m feeling helpless about this situation that occurred, after receiving 3 invitations on the same day but in 3 different places. My best friend always plays a vital role in my life; he always stands up and supports me in any situation, even though he is not rich. His contribution and concern about me and my family are incredible, No one can do so; his priority is always for me and my family. I can not deny his contribution in any way. My friend’s wife is also a social and caring woman; she always checks in on my family and helps my friends to be by our side in times of trouble. Unfortunately, I was absent from the marriage ceremony of my friend because of my important foreign business tour, but I always regret that and said sorry to my friend and his wife. The children of my friend are also well-connected with me and my family, their expectation to attend this wedding anniversary occasion is another big concern, they respect me a lot and obey me like their father. They will feel bad about my absence on this occasion, as the wedding anniversary of my best friend is too important for me, and also a big concern in this situation.

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Considering everything, I’m really confused and in a big dilemma about these 3 invitations on the same day in 3 different places, none of which was less important to me, and nor cannot ignore. I’m totally unable to decide and choose one. As I mentioned before, my daughter is everything to me, and she is the decision maker for me as always, so I discussed with her and she helped me to make a perfect and wise decision in this situation. She asked me to accept the invitation for a huge family reunion, as our priority is our family, because we can manage or make one or two people and convince them, but a huge family reunion requires many people's expectations of my presence, along with my family. I can not disappoint too many people together instead of two others. I’ll try to make them understand, my cousin and my friend, about my inability to attend their occasions, and hopefully will be able to manage them earlier or later whenever it is suitable. I am always proud of my angel daughter for her intelligence and decision-making power. May Allah bless my daughter. And finally, I’m accepting the invitation for the huge family reunion and wish to join the occasion.

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