ALL ABOUT DADS Ladies of Hive Contest #138

Two beautiful questions for this week from @thekittygirl at the @Ladiesofhive community for the weekly community Contest - Ladies of Hive Community Contest #138

1️⃣ A day recognizing fathers will be celebrated later this month in some parts of the world. With the changing perception of gender roles in our modern societies, how would you define the roles and responsibilities of fathers? And why do you define them that way?

The changing perception of gender roles only added more responsibilities to most fathers to better groom wholesome individuals and make them wholesome as well, for a better society and world at large.

Edited using canva

You could toil, work hard and earn all the money you need to take care of your family as a parent and still get replies like- “You were never there when I needed you! You never showed you cared!” and the many hurtful things that kids utter and in truth **taking care of a family is a whole lot more than feeding, clothing, and sheltering which are very important factors, In fact, the basic needs of every human. **

What was obtainable and okay in the old days

A father is absent through the week and could only be seen during the weekend ‘if the kids were lucky’ as though he was a fiction of their imagination. I know the feeling of having to look at the pictures of a friend I haven't seen in years not just because I miss that friend but to remind myself how he/she looks. I guess that is the struggle of some kids when their dad is absent due to work or sadly due to death.

These basic needs were the main focus of most fathers in the past at least in my country Nigeria. Leaving every other detail that deals with social, emotional, and cognitive growth and development to the mothers (figure it out for yourselves) adding a barrel load of responsibilities to the already burdensome responsibility of feeding and making the home habitable (conducive for human living).

The thing about these things is, when there is an overload on one parent- the entire task of raising kids is not fulfilled optimally hence creating a lacuna that needs filling, and herein lies the problem.
There is an ideal reason why both parents the father and mother are needed in parenting a kid or several kids because both are meant to complement each other as there are a thousand and one responsibilities to be carried on.

In this time and age, things have changed for the better asides from mothers working and contributing financially to meeting the basic needs of the family thereby reducing the burden of solely working fathers and increasing their presence in the home. A balance that is long awaited.
Fathers are also picking up the tab of tending to other needs of the family. By other needs I mean, the social, emotional, and cognitive development of a child or the children. Let me break them down in bits;

• Social development delves into the sense of identity and role of purpose of an individual and in this case a child.

• Emotional development is the way we think, and feel, our resilience, self-esteem, and coping skills.

• And, Cognitive development runs deeper into thoughts in perception and rationale, risk-taking, increase sensitivity to mental illness as well as changes in the brain structure.

All the description above just entails inclusiveness in the grooming of kids and tending to the family asides from meeting the basic needs of the family. Also meaning that both parents have to be healthy in mind and body to better take care of their kids.

The roles of fathers in this modern age can be simplified into these scenarios;
•I come home with my result waiting for my dad’s return from work as he gives such high praises on my many wins- we do a goofy dance in celebration (my favorite part of seeing my school results) and a few minutes later construct ways in writing on how best I could work on my weak subjects to get a better grade next time.

•I took an interest in reading to a congregation during the weekend and for me to be better at it, I single out my dad to read to him as he puts a stop to whatever he is doing to listen to me and give constructive criticisms as well as little laughs on my little flops.

•Participating at a competition and seeing my dad in the crowd cheering me the loudest as we trained over and again in the backyard of our home, in tears and a little resentment.

•Going on mini dates, having good laughs about the guys that made advances at me, and being advised about humility, self-love, and self-respect.

•Defending me in public and calling me out on my flops when in the confines of the four walls of home.

•Doing the chores in the house from the dishes after meals to cleaning the house with my mum. He makes dry jokes as they both laugh and bud heads lightly as a thing they picked up at their youthful age.

•Going out as a family for events and seeing how my dad relates to others respectfully- handling an almost hazardous outburst of a drunkard notably with such kindness yet firmness.

Simply put a dad is a friend, a protector, a provider, a disciplinarian, a leader, a motivator, a helper, a visionary, and a good listener.

The beauty of it all is the many responsibilities amicably shared between both parents not necessarily equally but in a way that non of both parties is overwhelmed (where one falls short, the other picks the tab) that it almost seems so easy looking in from the outside.

2️⃣ If you had a beloved "father figure" in your life (father, grandfather, uncle, family friend, employer, etc.) and would like to recognize them with a story, we'd love to hear it!

My dad put up a front of being strict and scary to outsiders as he had a stern look that could get anybody uneasy. My neighbors fell victim to this, on hearing that he was home they would pick up their shoes to run out, no matter how much I try to convince them that he was very nice. My dad always smiled at the effect he had on them too. I was in my teen at the time.
He was the sort that when he returned we scurried around to keep the house clean and organized as well as got our homework done so that we had a clean slate at his return (all us well with the world) to which we ran down the stairs singing “Daddy oyoyo! Daddy oyoyo!” over and again till we met him with the warmest hugs (he loved that a lot). He would smile and hand us some goodies as we carried his bag or briefcase up the stairs.

He was very inclusive in our upbringing with the strange meals we tried out when my mum was out of town; white rice and milk, build yam and groundnut, and rice and mashed Irish potatoes sauce. I guess that is where I got my cooking experimentation skill from.

He taught me discipline, humility, being responsible and respectful, how to be treated by guys, communication (the letters we sent to each other when phones weren't in vogue) and so many more. I love him loads and remember him everyday. He passed for over 13years now. When I saw this prompt I moved past it saying it wasn't for me since my dad is late till I saw loads of beautiful write-ups from other ladies in LOH that brought up fond memories to share.

Thank you💕