Creativegarden Challenge: My Haiku #Ricefield
In December, most of Indonesia enters the rainy season, in some places usually experiencing very high rainfall, causing flooding. In the area where I live, namely Binjai City, rainfall is quite high, but the rain is not too heavy, so the water discharge does not cause flooding. The rice fields planted with rice are starting to grow well and some are starting to flower, the rain brings blessings.
In the middle of the rice fields, there is peace, I hope there is enough rice growing well, so that the produce of the land is abundant and no one goes hungry, in this fertile land. I'm trying to write #Haiku#
Rainy season in December
The earth is green with rice
Hope, dreams of farmers in green
🌾🌾🌾
Occasionally the sun comes
To provide warmth to the earth
So that hope can live on
🌾🌾🌾
The sparrows pray for rice plants
The rice stalks continue to grow
To feed the family and survive
My #Haiku# for contributing to Creative Garden Challenge, with admin @gardenhive.
Thank you for responding to my Haiku.
Best Regards
@umirais
Hopeful poetry for all of us. Thanks for participating in our creative garden challenges.
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Thanks for support and curation my post @gardenhive
Wow this is fabulous - they really made me feel as if I was there!
This was my favourite as I could see how all creatures rely on the harvest, and even the sparrows benefit! They all show how much rice is so central to your lives. Thanks for sharing this - I really enjoyed it. I wonder if @boxcarblue has had chance to see this haiku? Nice work, @umirais
Thanks for support and positif feedback @riverflows 🥰
Thanks for tagging me.
No worries, we often get distracted, busy and miss stuff, but I didn't think you'd want to miss this lovely series by @umirais xx
Much appreciated.
It’s so interesting to me that your rainy season is in December and that your rice is growing and filling your countryside with green. I live in Japan and it’s the exact opposite. Our rainy season is June, and our rice fields are either yellow and wilting right now, or bare and muddy.
Really nice poems too.
I know writing suggestions aren’t always welcome, so I apologize if this annoying, but something that sticks out to me about your first poem is that December doesn’t seem like necessary information and you repeat the imagery of green.
Of course, if you want to specifically point out that rainy season is in December where you live, using the word December is important, but for me, being in the northern hemisphere and living in a place where the rainy season is June, it’s confusing.
I think that shortening the first line to rainy season not only makes the image stronger, but makes it more universal. Anyone, anywhere, will be able to develop a mental image of rainy season easily.
And with the last line, unless you mean that the farmers are actually dreaming in the color green, I don’t think that you need to repeat the color again. The metaphorical meaning of dreaming about rice (dreaming in green) carries over from the second line quite naturally.
Rainy season
The earth is green with rice
Hope, dreams of farmers
I would even say that hope is a little redundant because the word dream can carry the meaning of hope. So shortening the poem even more, for me, makes it stronger.
Rainy season
The earth is green with rice
Dreams of farmers
Nice haiku. This was very enjoyable to read.
Yes, thank you for the suggestion, I deliberately emphasized that December is the rainy season in Indonesia. I think you understand better how to write #Haiku, because as we know, Haiku comes from Japan, just like you, I am happy with the information you provided that the rainy season in Japan occurs in June. greeting @boxcarblue
I’m not from Japan. But I’ve lived here for long enough to feel like it’s the only home I’ve ever had.
One element of haiku is brevity, so it’s generally recommended that one examines his/her poems and remove words or imagery that isn’t necessary.
I might fall on the extreme side of that spectrum, so please take my advice lightly.