How to choose who to love? – LOH # 173 Contest

This time I will answer the first question of the contest: The month of love is still in the air. As a lady, what do you consider more: Careful decisions about whom to love, or the freedom to be spontaneous about it? Do you care more about present moments or future results of your decisions? Why?

Love, finding, identifying and choosing the right partner, is perhaps one of the most worrying and difficult existential topics that exist; and this is because interpersonal relationships can be very complex, due to the intervention of multiple factors and circumstances. If we sometimes do not have a good coexistence with our blood family, it may be even more unlikely that we can maintain a long-term relationship with a stranger.

Among these factors are: The personal stories of each of the members of the couple, that is, their previous experiences and their imprints; the framework of values and principles of each one, the goals, objectives and life projects, personal tastes, each one's families, friends, work circumstances, health conditions, personality characteristics, temperament , etc... in short, there are so many elements that can favor or, on the contrary, negatively affect a relationship, that it seems like a titanic and impossible task to choose who to love.

However, in my personal experience I have been at both extremes: Choosing fast, based on the heart or hormones, and also choosing a little more sensibly. And from there, from my experiences, I will answer this question, the answer to which can be complex and simple at the same time. Let's see:

• Choosing who to love, from the freedom of being spontaneous about it: I believe that freedom is a basic, fundamental human right, and that freedom should always be present in small and large choices. Now, considering choosing who to love from spontaneity, under a climate of freedom, I think it refers to choosing because you like someone physically, because you were strongly attracted to him, because that person impacted you, and that decision is made quickly. It would be what is known as love at first sight, and well, it is not that this is always bad, not at all, because great love stories can emerge from relationships like this; but great failures can also arise... In my personal case, my first marriage was the product of precisely something like that, of one of those attractions that disarms you and leaves you dazzled, and well, it didn't have a very happy ending so to speak, because with the time I saw that I didn't know the man I married.

• Choosing who to love, based on careful decisions: You might think that a choice of this type is cold, planned, premeditated, and I don't think that is the case. I think that a decision made under this premise is a more thoughtful, more reflective decision, where it is about seeing the potential candidate of our love, with more objectivity, without magnifying his virtues and diminishing his defects; if not, seeing, analyzing and knowing, as far as possible, every part of their life and personality. I think that, if you choose who to love, the chosen one must be someone who is with you in the good and the bad, and who is proactive and responds according to the expectations that you set for yourself, in the various situations of life, (positives or negatives), and this can be known by taking time to observe and know. This does not imply that this entire process lacks emotionality, or that you take a long time to study the person and get to know them; not at all, it just requires being a good observer and looking at key aspects of the other person, for example: His behavior in specific situations, what his family is like, what his principles and values. You can ask yourself questions such as: Is he sincere? Is he a good supplier? Is he respectful of women? Is he a good son? Is he a good brother? Is he a good friend? Does he speaks badly about other people without them being present?... Questions like these can give you valuable clues about the type of person you could choose to love. I have also been in this position, and I observed all this (and more), I asked myself all these and other questions, and after a short courtship of less than two months, I had my second husband, with whom I have been with for more than 16 years, in a beautiful and stable relationship; so for me, it was this kind of choice that really worked.

Here I end my post, where I try to answer simply, a question that can be complicated. I hope you find my answers useful.

Image sources

• The cover image comes from the Unsplash page and is properly identified.

• The dividers used are courtesy of @eve66 who shares beautiful designs that embellish the layout of our post.

Todo el contenido, (excepto los separadores de texto y la imagen de portada) es de mi propiedad y está sujeto a derechos de autor // All content (except text dividers and cover image) is my property and is subject to copyright.

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