What makes me hold unto hope

A few days ago, @brittandjosie invited me to join in. To answer these:

**What makes you hold onto hope?
Enlighten us on something you do to create a safe,
positive space around yourself,
to boost the belief or conviction to always look for the cloud with a silver lining,
even if it means starting again?

"Don't loose hope, no situation is permanent."
African Proverb
Question by @joanstewart for

I would like to answer them in a series of post which I hope I can make in the next few days. Also, I want to answer them as a nurse who is always taking care of others and, as a person who had been struggling a lot.

As someone who is always taking care of sick people. One does not need to believe in higher being or do extraordinary things to bring hope- I think. But having that concept- idea that things will get better is often the catalyst one needs especially in challenging times.

I deal with a lot of people who sometimes suddenly lost their ability to walk, get out of bed, eat, talk, dress- almost everything that us, normal people are all taking for granted. There's quite a lot of pain, disappointment and sometimes, mixture of different emotions( anger, pain, hurt, ambivalent, far of the future, resentment towards others or self, denial- you name it, its there). Often, the challenge is not just to get people to be strong enough to go back to their old lives but mending the wounds associated with their physical infirmities.

It is often so hard to ignite that sense of hope to people who are going through that. But, as as a nurse or caretaker, I try to remind them of this simple thing- you are not alone, a lot of people going through the same thing you had been going through, this is a journey we are supporting you, you do not need to go through it alone. These are often enough to comfort them as most of the time, the people around them are also processing what happened or, are too far to provide that support they need.

While these things might bring comfort or security to my patients, I myself would like to share what makes me hold onto hope even when things are bleak.

For nearly a year now, I had been struggling to forgive someone who had hurt me terribly. I had been replaying that hurt, pain betrayal in my mind hoping to understand why another human would hurt someone like that. I realized only recently that there are people who wanted to advance their agenda, innately greedy, innately born without remorse or are built to destroy other people.

I feel that I am never been the same after that person's betrayal as a lot of things had been taken away from me- from the job that I truly love, to the relationships that I had fostered. But, after all these time, I realized that despite my hurt and struggles, it was hope that slowly healed me. The hope that things will be better, that the pain will end, that the struggle will stop.

Its not very easy to keep up hoping for something that would never happen. But I believe that clinging unto my religion, praying, going to church and, honestly admitting to god that I felt frustrated that there was no natural justice served toward me helped a lot.

In fact, just today, I even went as far as think of that person who have hurt me, who betrayed and took everything away from me. In a thought provoking moment, I wanted to ask that creature, are you happy after you have betrayed me? Have you gotten what you are after? Why are you so scared to talk to me? Why are you avoiding me? Is it guilt, remorse, fear, anger or frustration that makes you do that? Does the situation made you into a better person? Do you think attempting to destroy another person's hopes and plans made you into the best version of yourself?

What made me hold unto hope is the thought that everything will end someday, all the struggles, pain I had gone through will stop. And the thought that there are still kind, compassionate and self less people out there. I am hoping that I am one of them. I certainly try very hard to be one of them.