The Pressure of Surviving

Life can be overwhelming sometimes.....most times. You throw in silver, hoping for gold, but life gives you rusted metal in return. Cold, heavy, nothing like you imagined. You give your best, keep your head up and yet life seems to test you again and again, almost daring you to give up.And no matter how optimistic you try to be, and make something out of the metal, it's as if life is staring at you, arms folded, whispering...

Come and win, let me see.

And it's not even dramatic anymore. It's just normal, because you expect more hard times than you expect the good ones.

Even with that, there is this tiny flicker, buried somewhere that tells you "you've made it through worse, see how far you've come" So you gather your rusted metal, hold it close, and carry on. For me that tiny flicker is the quest to live a good life

I know it sounds simple, maybe a little silly. You are probably thinking,how is living a good life@ a reason to keep going??? No fancy quotes, no motivation talks, just that. Hear me out.

Honestly, that's it for me. I want to wake up everyday and not feel like life is bullying me. Be able to afford basic things without fighting with my bank app as if we are in a toxic relationship.

I'm not asking for too much. Just peace, just the ability to buy something for myself without going broke for a week. There's something so sweet about treating yourself to your favorite snacks without calculating in your head. Or seeing a small item in a shop and not having to think ahh , this is my transport for next week.

Imagine being an aunt with little cousins, and you can't even buy them biscuits. They run to you laughing, their faces full of excitement, and all you want to do is spoil them. But you can't, your pockets are empty, and even the simple gesture of buying a biscuits seems out of reach.

Let's not even talk about how it feels when you want to do something nice for your parents. A small of appreciation, to show them how much you care. But all you have to offer is love and words of affirmation which is not enough. When the weight of being unable to give them anything tangible kicks in, it stings like a bee.

It's not just about the things I want to buy for myself, also for the people I love. I want to be able to show up for them without feeling shame or guilt, or even wondering how I'm going to survive later.

All I want is a soft life.
Not a flashy one.
Just soft. Peaceful. Comfortable. One where breathing doesn’t feel like a struggle. One where survival isn’t the only goal.

Even when life gives me nothing but rusted metal, I carry it. I keep going, because I know that, in time, that rust can turn into something beautiful. A small, simple life, with moments of peace, joy, and love. That’s the dream. That’s the goal. And for me, that’s enough.