IF I WASN'T AFRAID?

Everyone is afraid of something, when I was a child I would boast about how fearless my father is, and just like me, there are a lot of kids who thought so too. But one day I learned my almighty hero also gets scared, even though it was in an extreme situation, I could literally see the fear in my father's eyes. For some reasons that I can't tell, I wasn't afraid of dying when the armed robbers pointed their gun at me, I was somehow expecting my father to not show fear too, but then, it was the other way around. It took some years of growing up before I realized that he was more scared for his family than for his own life and that discovery made me fearful as well.

When you love someone or something, it's natural to be afraid especially when what you love is being threatened. Today I'm unashamed to say there are a lot of things I fear, and that's because I have come to understand what it means to love and value. Starting from family to special friends, to my other friends, relatives, and gadgets. Fear is a great part of growing up, it exposes us to the value of what we hold dear and also shows us what our minds see as incapabilities. However, certain unhealthy fears have denied people great achievements and opportunities in life. This could be because of our past experiences, upbringing, or personalities. And just to note, I would wish to master my fears more than not being afraid at all. Because I feel not being afraid is living like a zombie.

For me, one of these fears would include speaking out. Yeah, I'm damn scared of speaking out, but then it depends on the kind of speaking actually. I can derive joy from speaking to a group of people, but it hits differently for me when I have to start up a conversation with a single person. And if I manage to successfully hold a conversation with someone, chances are that I wouldn't want to do it again especially when I feel I said rubbish after the conversation. Another reason I avoid speaking out individually to someone is because I'm scared of eye contact. I don't know how to keep eye contact, especially with people whose eye contact is unpredictable. If I must keep eye contact it would be because I'm giving a lecture or rendering discipline, but for holding a normal conversation, I would just run out of words.

But I think If I wasn't afraid of speaking out, I would have avoided a lot of situations. I do not know how to ask people for help, still because of fear of speaking out. I remember one time when my lecturer walked me out of the exam hall because I hadn't paid for his textbook, and I ended up failing his course. This was because before then I should have gone to him to get permission, but I was scared of speaking out or asking for help, and silly fears like that cost me my exams dearly. Even though I know a lot of people and I'm known by a lot of people, I hardly talk to them. I discovered that a lot of times when I would go days without food, all I needed to do was ask someone. Some people think it's because I'm proud, but unknown to them, I would have asked if I wasn't afraid.

PHOTO CREDITS ARE MINE

THIS IS MY RESPONSE TO HIVE GHANA PROMPT FOR THE WEEK.