ANXIETY

7 days ago

As I write this song, I just remember the popular trend “Somebody’s watching me, It’s my anxiety” Well it’s how I feel every Monday morning going to the office. Today I had four back to back meetings to review my performance in the organization where I work. The first starts with a morning Pep talk, I am happy if my MD doesn’t attend, because by that time it’s a normal talk and we staff can make it interesting. But whenever my boss is around (as he was today) We end up spending over 1 hour in a meeting that is supposed to be for 20 minutes tops. This is because he takes his time to ask individual staff a lot of questions, coupled with all the back and forth answers, contributions and disagreement.

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Someone might read this and think why should you be anxious over a pep talk of questions and answers. Well it isn’t really the questions that makes me anxious, it’s what happens after the pep talk. Immediately after the questions we have a performance review meeting where we would have to give an account of your activities in the previous week, and that’s not even half of it, because you are expected to have submitted an activity report before the meeting which includes every single detail of your activities on every day of the week. Someone might still ask what’s the big deal in that. The fact that you must work and write a report on your activity isn’t as easy as it looks as I would say I work even when I’m not at the office.

My activity report goes from Sunday to Sunday and it’s not easy working and writing reports immediately after especially when there is a reporting template and because of that you can’t just say I did this and I did that. The fact that there is a need to arrange the report is why updating every single row and column is time consuming and can be overwhelming when you have a lot of things to do. Most times I don’t even remember some of the things I did and I will need to be careful so I don't submit a half baked report. Today for example, Pep talk took over two hours, did I mention we would have it standing… Well we all did and it wasn’t a pleasant one because you don’t know when a question would be thrown at you and if you will be able to answer it.

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Immediately after the pep talk, I had another meeting with my boss which we call a strategic meeting and it’s usually for all departmental heads to plan the activities of all the departments. TOday’s own took three hours and by the time we were done, it was already break. During the break I had to squeeze some time to attend to some computers so they could be in use and that was how my break was taken. Coming back we had the performance review meeting where we had to talk about how far we have gone with the target given to us at the beginning of the month. Did I mention that it’s month end, and the time for queries, or the fact that I made a mistake some moths back while working on one of the company’s servers and now I’m having to pay with my money so the company doesn’t suffer any loss from it.. Doing these things every day is mentally draining, sometimes I wish I can’t go to work.