Life of a Standoffish

I don't know how I became an introvert. It's definitely one of the traits I wouldn't have chosen for myself. I'm a very calm and gentle guy, a trait I have tried to change over the years, but each time I try, I still find myself returning to my old self. On the other hand, I love my space, I enjoy a lone environment and this is what makes me more of a non social person. A crowded environment I avoid , associating with people is a hard task, it takes an extra energy for me to associate with people, but not anymore, I only avoid keeping more company.

Sometimes our childhood programming has a role to play in our social behavior. I wasn't strong health-wise when I was growing up, so I didn't have much time to hang out or play with children in my age bracket. Most of my childhood I spent on transit with my grandma looking for a cure and when we did, I was already grown. Not as an adult, but grown to want to maintain some privacy and it kept up this way. The several dos and don'ts contributed to why I shrinked into the non social kind of person.

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I wasn't comfortable with being alienated, I wanted to be social, hangout with friends and have good laughs, but each time I wanted to, there's this thing in my head that keeps telling me to refrain back to my indoor activity. I tried it a few times but it was often weird because I didn't have the vibe of a social person. I preferred to just watch from afar, wishing within me to join. I like to play, but this part of me is only revealed when I'm indoors and it feels like the whole world is watching me each time I try to participate in outdoor activities and I dread being in the spotlight.

My desire to become social pushed me to try so many things. One of them was to have friends who were social, I had one. I drank my first beer with him , hoping I would become bold and probably act like he does. It worked for as long as the effect of the drink was active and when it went down, I started to regret everything I did, one of which was talking too much. One very thing people know about me is that I don't talk much, but I do talk much when I drink a few cups of beer. It felt like a thing to help bring out my sociable part, but I stopped drinking it, didn't like the too much talk and this brought me back to being non social.

Among my siblings, I think I'm more of the standoffish. Others can relate with people easily, but I don't. I'm so skeptical about hanging out with people because in the end I prefer my lonely state to associating with others. But then, staying indoors could be boring sometimes. However, no matter what happens , my introverted nature often wins.

This is in response to the. Contest by the hive-naija community. The contest is still active