An Instinct For A Life

The skies favored our troops that day with fine weather, not a sprinkle of rain and not blazing heat of the sun. Such a good start of the day but I might not like what’s ahead. Yet here I am with a bag packed with my necessities for three days and two nights, standing in front of the bus terminal since 5:30 in the morning, waiting for the other trainees to come.

Though other people may see me as a strong and independent woman, I could still be scared if I was placed in a situation where the whole program is a mystery to me. If I’m being honest here, I could tell them that I’m nervous as hell and I would even go back home if permitted. However, I couldn’t do that anymore. I invested a lot of effort, time, and money for this; it’s just that some parts of the training weren’t familiar to me. And I’m scared for my life if I face something wherein I’m not prepared and I lack knowledge with which my future is uncertain. Additionally, some people deeply look forward to what I can do and how I can unleash my best potential. Every move I make will be evaluated and the following days will decide my fate in the organization.

The whole assembly area is packed at 6:00 am, and all have departed in a while. All of them are excited but not me. How can I be excited if I don’t have any idea of what my future will be inside the camp? My silence is deafening, but my chest might burst anytime soon.

A few minutes of travel have passed, and we drop off to the starting point of the training. To walk beside the road while witnessing the sunrise is the first instruction. The view at the distance is quite mesmerizing but it just makes me tremble inside as we draw nearer to our destination. I looked into my senior’s eyes trying to convey a message of what exactly is going on with me.

Gladly, he took the hint and walked towards me, pats my shoulders and smiled with this additional assurance, “You’ll be fine. I believe you can do it. Don’t worry, I got your back.”

By hearing his words, I calmed down and went on silently while observing what will happen next. The walk takes an hour already and everyone is a bit exhausted. The pace had slowed down than from the starting line, some were bathing in their own sweat, and catching their breaths. We’re not familiar with the route as we are only following their lead. The path is straying away from the city life, in every turn we make, we only see bushes, trees, and the fields of sugarcanes. A place ahead of us is far enough that cries and screams couldn’t be heard, and any strange things that might happen wouldn’t even be noticed by the citizens.

In the midair, a series of gun fires are heard and it sends shivers down my spine. Instinctively, my body drops to cover for safety. The other team maneuvers to the other side to protect us directed by their team leader, followed by another team, and lastly ours. As the gun fire stopped, a senior shouted, “You’re all dead now! What the hell are you guys doing, a suicide mission? As you were!”, and the drill continued repeatedly in every turn until we finally reached the destination.

In a real life scenario, we might all be dead from the way we responded. Military personnel have one of their feet placed in their graves indeed. It’s not something like a staged play or a simple drill, or something we could joke with.

That is only a glimpse of the training but I could retire in a moment. “No pain. No gain,” as their famous adage says. I have countless scratches in my arms after the drills. I couldn't even point out what part exactly in my body hurts after hours of crawling, running, and those vigorous exercises. I never expected any of those actually. Initially, I joined an organization that is all about rescuing people from disaster and calamities. Never did I ever expect that it affiliates with a military group, wherein we are also required to train and be a member. It was a thrilling experience for I didn't have any idea of it, but anyway, I survived.

August 31, 2023
🌸 ayane-chan