Grief of losing my dear GrandFather | LOH CONTEST #160
My moms father is my grandfather and his name Abdullah Kader, he lived maybe half of his life and his death was sudden and I was entirely shocked after hearing about his death. That’s the first time I have felt how it feels when someone I love passed away which was very hard for me to accept. I thought about him often at night even during the school day and I often thought about the things he had done for me. He died due to diabetics and doctor told him not to eat oily foods but he would never listen.
My grandfather and I used to spend a lot of time talking and having fun. He was really into foods so, whenever I would go at their house he would ask me what I want to eat and bring the seasonal fruits which is available which was so much for me. He also loved to travel but he was getting sick day by day and unable to travel. He was a freedom fighter he had helped the ones who are martyrs, he loved his language and culture a lot. Well, in the months of my grandmother’s death I was wishing I could see him before his death for one last time if I could have few more words with him. My grandfather loved cats and he would make me pat the cats because when I was a kid I used to be scared of cats.
I had thoughts to reach out to a psychologist because I didn’t cry for once when I heard his death. I was behaving normal I didn’t cry at all. I could not believe that he was dead and I can’t talk with him ever again. At that time my mother was present with my grand father and she called me cried for hours and I was not shredding any tears which made me feel bad about myself. My mother also asked to come at his funeral but I had decided not to go. Because I didn’t want to face the truth. It would like take me 3/4hrs by plane to reach her and I still didn’t go and since then I stopped going to my moms village and it’s been like 3 years and I still didn’t visit my grand mother. I know I will cry a lot if I go there and I know that in my heart he is still alive for me. I won’t be able to stop my self if I can’t find him anywhere after reaching there.
When I have faced the loss of my dear ones, I know that the world will just keep moving on and change. The first thing I have to do is accept the reality which I can’t. It is needed to feel the pain of grief but I know I won’t be able to do it. Moreover, I need to adjust with the environment where the person does not exist anymore and the last thing is endure it all and start a new life. Actually I know what I need to do but it’s not working when I try to apply it for myself I can only give advices. The only thing I remember is feeling sad about his death but I don’t want to face it. I could clearly feel his absence during festivals because I used to visit them with my parents. I was celebrating the Eid first time with my grand-father there might be also many ways people cope with loss.
I wish that I could thank him for everything and show him how grateful I was. I would could take a photo with him which I never had because I always knew he would be there. There’s no memories of him with me which makes me feel unlucky. He didn’t like capturing photos that’s why I don’t have any picture with him. I still remember when I was a kid during festivals at night I used to sleep between grandmother and grandfather and they both used to tell me stories to make me fall asleep but it was the opposite they would just fall asleep during the time and I used to wake them up to continue the story.
Wherever he is I hope he’s happy and watching me how I have built myself strongly and I hope he’s proud of me! Anyways, I am crying while typing about this topic because I am an emotional person. When I think of his death I can’t hold it any longer that’s why I never preferred to talk about this topic with anyone. Today, after sharing I am feeling a little bit lighter.
Death is the reality and we all have to taste it because no one can avoid it.
THANKS FOR READING💖
|My name is Haya, I am from Bangladesh, currently I am a student and I started my journey as a content creator in 2019 , Mainly I am interested in gaming, I am a professional Esports player of PUBG MOBILE. I am known as the most famous female player from PUBG MOBILE Bangladesh gaming community. Mask is my identity I do not intend to reveal my face in future that’s why you will see me in mask in every pictures. I have taken interested in HIVE because it’s the best platform for a content creator like me. I also like travelling, photography, drawing, gardening, blogging and many more things I intend to attempt in my free times.
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