Grief of losing my dear GrandFather | LOH CONTEST #160
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My moms father is my grandfather and his name Abdullah Kader, he lived maybe half of his life and his death was sudden and I was entirely shocked after hearing about his death. That’s the first time I have felt how it feels when someone I love passed away which was very hard for me to accept. I thought about him often at night even during the school day and I often thought about the things he had done for me. He died due to diabetics and doctor told him not to eat oily foods but he would never listen.
My grandfather and I used to spend a lot of time talking and having fun. He was really into foods so, whenever I would go at their house he would ask me what I want to eat and bring the seasonal fruits which is available which was so much for me. He also loved to travel but he was getting sick day by day and unable to travel. He was a freedom fighter he had helped the ones who are martyrs, he loved his language and culture a lot. Well, in the months of my grandmother’s death I was wishing I could see him before his death for one last time if I could have few more words with him. My grandfather loved cats and he would make me pat the cats because when I was a kid I used to be scared of cats.
I had thoughts to reach out to a psychologist because I didn’t cry for once when I heard his death. I was behaving normal I didn’t cry at all. I could not believe that he was dead and I can’t talk with him ever again. At that time my mother was present with my grand father and she called me cried for hours and I was not shredding any tears which made me feel bad about myself. My mother also asked to come at his funeral but I had decided not to go. Because I didn’t want to face the truth. It would like take me 3/4hrs by plane to reach her and I still didn’t go and since then I stopped going to my moms village and it’s been like 3 years and I still didn’t visit my grand mother. I know I will cry a lot if I go there and I know that in my heart he is still alive for me. I won’t be able to stop my self if I can’t find him anywhere after reaching there.
When I have faced the loss of my dear ones, I know that the world will just keep moving on and change. The first thing I have to do is accept the reality which I can’t. It is needed to feel the pain of grief but I know I won’t be able to do it. Moreover, I need to adjust with the environment where the person does not exist anymore and the last thing is endure it all and start a new life. Actually I know what I need to do but it’s not working when I try to apply it for myself I can only give advices. The only thing I remember is feeling sad about his death but I don’t want to face it. I could clearly feel his absence during festivals because I used to visit them with my parents. I was celebrating the Eid first time with my grand-father there might be also many ways people cope with loss.
I wish that I could thank him for everything and show him how grateful I was. I would could take a photo with him which I never had because I always knew he would be there. There’s no memories of him with me which makes me feel unlucky. He didn’t like capturing photos that’s why I don’t have any picture with him. I still remember when I was a kid during festivals at night I used to sleep between grandmother and grandfather and they both used to tell me stories to make me fall asleep but it was the opposite they would just fall asleep during the time and I used to wake them up to continue the story.
Wherever he is I hope he’s happy and watching me how I have built myself strongly and I hope he’s proud of me! Anyways, I am crying while typing about this topic because I am an emotional person. When I think of his death I can’t hold it any longer that’s why I never preferred to talk about this topic with anyone. Today, after sharing I am feeling a little bit lighter.
Death is the reality and we all have to taste it because no one can avoid it.
THANKS FOR READING💖
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- All content are mine unless otherwise noted
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Everyone eventually comes to deal with facing death and do so in their own way as we come to grasp it. No one wants to endure pain. There is no size fits all way about it but we grieve, find our closure, share among those closest to us and hopefully carry on. Thanks for sharing @ayamihaya
I hope he is in the heaven and watching me from there...
Thanks for stopping by 💖
!PIZZA
I was shocked too when my grandfather passed away unexpectedly.. I had a lot of regrets because I wasn't able to take care of him when he was sick even though I was a Caregiver myself who took care of other people..but we have no control over death..let's just accept that all of us will come to that point..
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That's right we can't control something beyond human beings all I can do is pray for him.
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I feel it :( … impossible to avoid death what we get forever are the memories !
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That's very true :(
!PIZZA
The love that your grandpa showed you became one of his monument. When a person dies, his journey ends. Death is capable of leaving ache with human.When we realize the love we share with the departed soul, we feel the world has cheated us for taking away our joy. I felt the pain of not being able to shed tears after his departure. That's internal bleeding. It tears us more apart. It's like a torture. But I felt relieved at the end when some stone of tears rolled down as you created the story.
You can try to visit his burial ground. Buy some flowers. Pay him his respect and get yourself off the hook. You know the right thing to do, but you are pushing yourself away. You can't imagine seeing him under the ground with your naked eyes, but after that encounter, I believe you would feel better. All of us will go one day. As we were born, we wore the necklace of death. One day, it would strangle us, and there's nothing we can do about it. Just do it while you still have the opportunity. I share the pain dear. One love.
To be honest I don't want to visit his grave because then my reality would clash and I might break down.
Anyways thanks for your advice I hope one day I can make it.
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I don't remember my two grandfathers very much, especially my paternal grandfather. Now my grandmothers I remember both very well. I'm much older now and I'm a grandfather now, but since I live in the Philippines and they live in Texas, I do not get to see them. I'm working on it.
It's very saddening :(
I am very sorry for your loss!
I wish I could just have one last conversation with him :(
The relationship with grandparents is so special, they show us a more fun side of life as well as wise. You reminded me of mine and I identify with your feeling of being aware of the death of someone close to me for the first time.
He is proud of you, I'm sure. They love us as we are and always accompany us. ♥️🫂
I hope he is happy 😊
THANKS for stopping by 💖
!PIZZA
It is really difficult when you have grief. As well as also luckily having the distance to help insulate you from your own feelings.
And also everybody grieves differently. I have lost people that were really close to me and didn't cry. In fact because I had them in my life and because I got to spend all of the good times with them. I have all these memories of them that are amazing.
However life is difficult for each one of us and I think your family member would really appreciate you taking care of yourself and your immediate people in your life. When you got time and it sounds like keep in contact with family you can spend time being positive and supporting them.
You being a rock is a really important role to play. When everybody else is comfortable enough breaking down and letting you cancel them and be there for them that is a lot of trust for them to impart to you.
Much respect for you to take that time to be there for your family members. It really isn't an easy when they are having a rough time processing.
And many blessings for you to take that extra time to be there for them. I hope you get a lot of karma points for that because it really is a huge thing to be positive and supporting to other people.
I hope you have an amazing day tomorrow. For you have done good things to help other people. Thank you for being honest with your friends online. Your integrity announces itself through your writing and actions.
And please come to the free compliments community. We absolutely would love to have you there. Sometimes a simple positive comment can change everything for someone.
#freecompliments
Thanks for reading everything throughly instead of skipping 😊.
Sure I would love to be a part of your community and I already have joined
, sorry for late reply I am kinda inactive these days for my busy schedule in real life.
Thank you and I can't wait to have you in our group.
It is true that grieving the loss of a loved one is much more painful.Yet we must accept it because every man must die.So we will pray for them as much as possible